Our family suffered a loss last month. It is still quite fresh as we laid our beloved Grandmother, Mother and Great Grandmother to rest last Friday. I feel as though I was in a fog for the last week and a half after we were informed of her passing. Seeing my mother’s grief, organising the funeral, burial, wake and viewing was tough to say the least.
I believe everyone grieves differently – there is no right or wrong, just different. I tend to be quite private but I feel posting about this contributes to my healing process. I have fond memories of my Grandma with my family. Grandma was a kind soul, always friendly and tolerant. Grandma had a hard life, she lived through the Vietnam War, losing a few children and her husband before her. My grandma lost everything she had and still fought on, forging a new life for herself. Even so, she lived a long life, living up to 96 years old. Grandma would have turned 97 in December this year.
My mother was able to sponsor her mother, our Grandma and we met her in November 1995. I remember thinking Grandma so cute, funny and friendly. She talked incessantly of her grandson in Vietnam who she had to help raise as his father passed away when he was young. His father, my uncle was a soldier in the South Vietnamese Army and when the North Vietnamese won the war, he was captured and tortured as were many. He was finally released and his family were so happy to see him, most of all his mother – my Grandmother. However, shortly after he arrived home, he passed away in his sleep. The joy of having her son back was short-lived.
My Grandma is from North Vietnam but ended up living in South Vietnam with two of her children, my mum and older brother – my uncle who passed away. The reason for this is because my Grandma went to visit her father who lived in the South when she was upset with her husband. My Grandfather was a very good looking man and my mum said apparently, he could be a bit of a playboy.
While my Grandma was visiting my Great Grandfather, the instability between North and South Vietnam increased. As a result, travel and communication between North and South Vietnam was cut. No one was allowed to travel between the two or communicate via phone or telegram. This meant my Grandma was now cut off from her husband and other children. My Grandma had about 10 children. She had her only daughter, my mother with her and my mum learnt later from an Aunty that her father loved her dearly as she was his only daughter and thought my Grandma took her away to punish him.
When the Vietnam war was over and communication between North and South Vietnam was restored, her sons went looking for my Grandma – their mother. They did find her and this was a happy reunion for my Grandma but her husband had moved on. My Grandma chose to stay with her father in South Vietnam with my mum and uncle. She raised them on her own. The rest of the children stayed with their father in North Vietnam.
It is amazing to think of what my Grandma has lived through and experienced but was still a loving, kind, compassionate soul. She lives on in our hearts and our memories. Grandma is in a better place now, no longer suffering as she suffered two strokes in the final years before her passing and passed away with pneumonia. I believe she is now free to spread her wings and fly, always watching over all of us. My Grandma was happiest when surrounded by family and when she could express her independence – something that was taken away from her after her second stroke. When we visited Grandma, I felt she was no longer smiling with her eyes.
Remembering my Grandma reminds me to Laugh.Love. Live. Life is too short to only survive, it needs to be embraced and lived to the full – be present, enjoy the little things because I feel it’s the little things that you cherish in life. Peace and blessings.